An Unexpected and Kind Gesture

 

In the midst of some rather arduous circumstances happening in the last couple of months, I was feeling pretty down last week. Halfway through the week, on a particularly difficult day, these beautiful, red roses were delivered to my doorstep. When I answered the door, I was sure they were being dropped off for my next door neighbor. Completely taken aback, I asked the delivery man who they were for. In a thick Russian accent - and a huge smile across his face - he said: "Why, they are for you!"

After finding out a couple of weeks ago that an old client had passed away, I had sent a sympathy card to his family. His parents were extremely supportive, which was something that was quite rare when I worked in social services. I not only really liked them, I had a tremendous amount of admiration and respect for both of them.

I hadn't seen or worked with this client since I left my old job over a year ago. We had worked together for a few years, and he was a really sweet guy with a severe traumatic brain injury. He had a great sense of humor, and a lot of determination to live his life as normally as possible despite all the daily challenges he faced.

Along with the roses was a card from his parents thanking me for all the support and kindness I had given to their son. It made me cry. It's amazing to me that they would do something so generous and thoughtful when they are grieving such a huge loss. It is one of the kindest gestures I've gotten in a long time.

Rock It Like a Redhead

 

Being a redhead, I grew up always being told I couldn't wear red. It was always "stick with the greens, teals, and turquoises, but never red." Although I've come to really appreciate red, bought some fun red shoes, and painted a few pieces of furniture red in my house, I had still avoided wearing red clothing. It was obvious orange would never work on me, but I'd seen a few redheads wearing red, and it looked great on them.

Of course, I've ignored many of the other fashion rules my mother told me to stay clear of when I was growing up: I wear black a lot, I like shorter skirts, I like higher heels - even though I'm already quite tall - and I wear a lot of rings, bracelets, and big, silver hoop earrings. I've also come to appreciate the fact that my natural red hair is actually quite unique, and I still wear it long and probably always will.

 

But yesterday was a first. To my guy's delight, I actually bought my first red dress. It's a really chic, color-blocked dress with red through the center, black along the sides, and a flared shorter skirt at the bottom. Really cool, funky - and marked down over seventy-five percent (better yet).

As I came across a post on The Chic Sheet prior to buying the dress, I found the author addressed this issue quite well. And although I've come to be annoyed with the "Keep Calm and Carry On" that you see everywhere (even though I'm very English), I loved the variation on it she put up for redheads. As the writer states:

"Some redheads still may not be into the whole idea of wearing red, but those that do certainly wear it well. The moral of this little story is that there are no fashion rules anymore. All is fair game in this industry, including RED on REDS!" 

Although I'll probably always be a bigger fan of purple and black, sometimes it's nice to shake things up a bit. At least one cool and different dress is a start. Besides, most redheads tend to be a bit rebellious...especially once we're adults and realize that some old rules are just meant to be broken.

There is Such a Thing as Too Skinny!

Many years ago Nancy Reagan repeated a comment originally made by the late Wallis Simpson, Duchess of Windsor: "You can never be too rich or too thin." Not only does that sound incredibly shallow, but it also isn't true. Money really doesn't buy happiness or a great life - it just makes some things a little easier. And, yes, we can be too skinny and unhealthy.

After the most recent Oscars, people went on and on about Seth MacFarlane's performance as host. Were some things inappropriate? Probably. Were some over the top? Probably. But, that's what you get with comedians. They insult everyone and everything - including themselves - and always push the envelope.

I'm a pretty strong feminist, but I personally thought the guy was funny. There were a couple of jokes that made me cringe, but in general, he was humorous and got the exact shock value he was going for. And if anyone has ever watched "Family Guy" or "Ted," the humor shouldn't be that much of a surprise. It's a little frat boy, a little vulgar, very immature, and quite often very inappropriate. It's interesting that people in Hollywood would be shocked that some of his jokes were sexist - especially in a town that spent several hours prior to the show analyzing every outfit the female stars wore on the red carpet, right down to the sequins on their dresses or on too much or too little displayed cleavage. In an industry that bases way too much on appearance, is this really a big surprise?

What was truly bothersome to me were the actresses themselves. With the exception of Jennifer Hudson, and a few others, most of them were so skinny they were gaunt looking. But, unfortunately, the rule in Hollywood - and fashion - seems to be the skinnier the better.

A couple days ago it was International Women's Day. I was pleasantly surprised to come across an article on that day entitled "Gender Geography: Where's the Best Place in the World to Be a Woman?" In the article, it mentioned that Israel has changed their rules on skinny models. According to the article in The Globe and Mail:

"Best place to buy your daughter a celebrity magazine: Israel. Last year, Israel banned the use of underweight models in local advertising, and passed a law requiring publications to disclose when models have been edited to appear thinner than they really are." 

It's one thing to be naturally thin or petite. It's quite another when you seem to be starving yourself, or you look years beyond your age due to such a lack of normal fat in your face. Or how about having plastic surgery in your twenties and thirties to the point that you don't even look like the same person? I guess you can never be too young either. Aren't these actresses actually holding themselves up to a sexist standard?

It's really about time that entertainers stood up to this expectation. The emphasis should be on talent, on being healthy, on being strong...not on being a Size 0 at any cost, even when you're actually very tall. One actress stated that after the awards she planned on pigging out by eating a baked potato with tomatoes. Seriously?

People have a right to their own opinion, and maybe some were outraged by MacFarlane. But, his jokes weren't just about women, his jokes were about everyone else too. Yet, no one ever seems outraged by the actresses who seem to get skinnier every year. They should be able to just be themselves.

Comedians are, by nature, inappropriate. Frankly, that's what's funny most of the time. Sometimes it can go too far, and it often does. But I find it much more disturbing that women weren't more bothered by the overly skinny celebrities literally sewn into their dresses. Actresses are famous, powerful, and rich women. They could have loud voices and actions on this issue. But, instead, what's complained about is a comedian who was just more vocal about it. I mean really, one is silly jokes. The other is actually quite serious. 

Is It Really Safe Playing It Safe?

Everything is a bit up in the air lately. It can be a little scary, a little uncertain, and a bit overwhelming at times. But, is that really so bad in the long run? It's good to be humbled at times. It's also good to know that no matter how well you think you have everything all planned out, life always throws you a few curve balls. If it hasn't yet, it most certainly will. But, those times, hard as they may be, are often the ones you look back on as being the best learning experiences.

I recently had a big birthday. It's one of those birthdays that starts out a whole new decade. It's easy to look back when you hit one of those birthdays and wish you'd done some things differently. But, would I be who I am now if I hadn't done it the way I did?

I come from a family that's highly educated, and the members have excellent, long-term jobs (decades, not years). Granted, I'm the youngest, by many years, and the most rebellious. I don't begrudge anyone for staying in a long-term job, or doing things the traditional way. But, I've never appreciated the constant comparisons ("Why can't you be more like...?"). What I've started doing recently, in a somewhat depressed mood at times, is to start doing the comparisons myself.
 
Fortunately, I've had a bit of a revelation lately. Even though I've had some great jobs, they've definitely not been decades long. I've taken pay cuts to do something that makes a difference, not just collect a paycheck. And I often think of one of my favorite quotes: "It's about significance, not success."
 
I was still fortunate to get a great education, but I didn't get my second degree until I was in my early thirties. In the process, I've also been able to work in everything from retail to chemistry to accounting to social services - and it all ties into writing. I got married too young, and stayed married too long. I spent many years totally on my own. I never had children. I've traveled all over the United States, and to several other countries...and plan to do much more.   

But, while most of the people in my family have huge bank accounts, they also don't tend to do anything with them other than watch the balance grow bigger. That's not me. I've been generous even when I haven't had much, and will always be that way. I've shared a lot, I've traveled, I've had fun. I've taken risks...some with good outcomes, some not. I've always known I'm smart, always known my potential. But, I've never wanted to use that in the standard way. Maybe it's the free spirit in me, maybe it's the redhead in me, maybe it's because I grew up all over the country, maybe it's because I'm so open-minded. Maybe it's all of the above.

So, in this next chapter of my life, as I change careers once again, and move forward, I need to remember not to compare. We're all individuals, and I'm just not an individual that plays it so safe that there's no new challenge, but a great pension at the end. Stability is not really as secure as it seems. Because in the confines of a safe, and sometimes boring life, maybe playing it safe is really the most dangerous way to play it.

Goldens Bring Love and Comfort

I've been able to work with service dogs many times over the last several years. There are some wonderful companies out there that match dogs so perfectly with disabled clients. Their lives are much more manageable, and they're provided with the companionship that only a dog can give. Companion and therapy dogs can also bring comfort and peace in an otherwise difficult situation. 
 
After a roommate in college brought her intelligent, beautiful Golden Retriever, Jessie, along to live with us, Goldens have always been my favorite dogs. Combining a therapy dog with the smart, sweet demeanor of a Golden has to be a good match. In the case of my roommate's dog, she was my morning alarm clock. She would push my bedroom door open at just the right time, her tail wagging wildly. Her good morning cry was always a bit muffled by the ball in her mouth.

When I heard an organization sent their Goldens to help out the children and adults so devastated by the elementary school tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, I knew they would really bring some peace to hurting people. According to the Chicago Tribune:

A team of golden retrievers made an 800-mile journey from the Chicago area to Newtown, Conn., on Saturday to comfort those affected by Friday's school massacre.

Lutheran Church Charities deployed about 10 of the canines for people who want to pet them while they talk or pray with the dog's handler, said Tim Hetzner, president of the Addison-based organization.

"Dogs are nonjudgmental. They are loving. They are accepting of anyone," Hetzner said. "It creates the atmosphere for people to share."

When the K-9 Comfort Dogs are not responding to a tragedy, they visit people in hospitals, nursing homes and parks. Each dog has a card with its name, Facebook page, Twitter account and email so those who meet the canine can keep in touch.

"The dogs have become the bridge," said Lynn Buhrke, 66, who is a handler for a female golden retriever named Chewie. "People just sit down and talk to you."

The students were greeted by the dogs again when they started at their new school a couple weeks ago. The return to school was much easier with the dogs' presence for both students and teachers. It may not make everything normal again, but with their smiling faces, soft fur, and wagging tails, their visit at least comforted some very hurting hearts. 

 
Comfort Dog Luther & Comfort Dog-in-Training Isaiah. 
RNS photo courtesy Lutheran Church Charities.

Comfortable Shoes for a Cause

I tend to prefer a heel with my shoes, preferably in a good boot. Being one of the tallest girls in school when I was younger - as well as the shy, new kid with the funny accent - it took me until I was an adult to not only be proud of my height, but realize I'm more comfortable in heels. It's one of the things I admire about one of my nieces - she's 5'11" and has always celebrated her height, and worn shoes that make her even taller. 

But sometimes your feet need a break in a comfortable flat. The flats I found in a Marie Claire article (Feel-Good Fashion: Friends of Finn) are not only rather funky, they're for a good cause. Being a huge dog lover, of course I think the little doggie bones decorating the shoes are pretty cute as well.

When the author of the article, Amanda Hearst, found her Dachshund/Chihuahua mix, Finnegan, she was told he came from a loving breeder. After finding out that he actually came from a puppy mill, she worked with the Humane Society and formed the HSUS' Friends of Finn (FOF):

"Three years ago, I bought my dog, Finnegan, at a pet store in New York City. I know what you're thinking: Why not adopt from a shelter? It's true, adoption is ideal, but one glance at Finn and I was done—you can't help who, or what, you love. Sure, I'd heard the stats: More than 90 percent of pet store dogs are from puppy mills, those notorious facilities where female dogs are bred until they die and animals are forced to live in cramped, crippling crates. But the shopkeeper told me Finn was from a trusted, loving breeder, even giving me his family tree. Well, that was a lie. With help from the Human Society of the United States (HSUS), I did research into Finn's background and learned that he was, in fact, among that 90 percent. Even worse, his mother was still there and likely never to get out.

That's when I formed the HSUS' Friends of Finn (FOF), a group that raises money and awareness to end the billion-dollar puppy mill industry in this country. Two years, more than a half a million dollars raised, and several puppy mill raids later, I'm excited to debut our first fashion collaboration: special-edition Soludos espadrilles to benefit FOF. The one-of-a-kind pattern, which I helped design, consists of tiny dog bones, a nod to the cause. And they're unisex."

I applaud Amanda in her efforts. So why not wear something comfortable that's also for a good cause? Besides, it's a rather fun way to celebrate our furry friends in the process.

Hurricane Sandy

I do believe this is the longest I've gone without making a blog post - a little too long. As can be seen in the previous post, I was a bit busy for awhile...but, it's about time I got back to more regular writing again. It's also important to write about something as catastrophic as Hurricane Sandy - to acknowledge the unimaginable loss and devastation that so many in the northeast are experiencing.

Most of my family, and many friends, live all up and down the east coast. Of all the places I've lived, New England is home to me, but I also love New York, the mountains, and especially the ocean. But, a hurricane is a blunt reminder that although the sea is beautiful, it's also very powerful. Having experienced a few hurricanes myself, I know the damage they can cause. With one as huge as Hurricane Sandy, the destruction and loss is overwhelming. 

My heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing the brutal consequences of this storm. Remember you are on so many people's minds, and will be in so many prayers across the nation. May you have the strength and community to help you. And may God bless you all with relief, comfort, and speedy healing.

 

The flooded Kunta Kinte-Alex Haley Memorial (downtown 
 Annapolis, Maryland) after Hurricane Sandy, Oct. 30, 2012.
(AP Photo/Susan Walsh)