Finally, a new car...

I finally took the plunge. After lots of research and lots of looking, I finally bought a new car a couple of days ago. New car, new style, bright new color! I went from a 1991 sports car to a 2006 sports car that looks (and feels) brand new.

For once I had a crazy day (with 37 phone calls before 10:30...all in crisis mode), and I wasn't melting in the heat and looking for a shady place to park. It was hard to say goodbye to ole Bessy. She went through a lot with me...radiators being stolen, trips across country, and many, many other memories (some good, some bad). So, now a new car, with new memories to make...

And, ahhh, to have a new, air conditioned car again! For the first time in ages, when someone asked me if it was getting hot out there today, I actually said I hadn't noticed.

The New Wheels

Heat & Weakness...and Let It Go Already!

I have driven my car for too many summers now without air conditioning. I never planned on keeping it as long as I have, and should have put the money into it when it gave out. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't in and out of my car several times a day (and there are only so many shady parking spots). It also probably wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't have Multiple Sclerosis.

My MS is pretty manageable. I work a very hectic job in social services, and also do freelance writing and photography. Most people are shocked when they find out I have MS. They have no idea.

When the humidity and heat goes way up, however, the regular problems I have from time to time become much more frequent and much less manageable. After melting in the heat all day, I often come home and literally collapse. My eyes are blurry, my legs feel weak, my head is fuzzy - and I often have what feels like the start of a migraine.

Put in a better way, Julie Stachowiak, Ph.D., describes it quite well on her blog. It's that anxious feeling that overwhelms you when the heat starts going up:

"For many of us with multiple sclerosis (MS), summer fills us with anxiety. Hot weather means MS symptoms and, well, suffering.

Heat intolerance in MS shows up as a "pseudoexacerbation" -- the experience of having symptoms appear or worsen due to heat exposure. This is different than a true relapse. In the case of a pseudoexacerbation, when the body’s temperature returns to normal, these symptoms disappear. No damage, such as inflammation, demyelination or new lesions, has been done during these pseudoexacerbations.

Heat intolerance is felt as increased symptoms, such as:

• Decreased cognitive function
• Numbness in the extremities
• Fatigue
• Blurred vision, known as Uhthoff’s sign
• Tremor
• Weakness

Really, any MS symptoms can be much worse in the heat. Sometimes, symptoms appear that we might not have felt before, which is the result of a lesion in a corresponding area of the brain or spinal cord that was slight enough that it did not cause a relapse or symptoms dramatic enough to notice."

So, yes heat makes MS worse. And, yes there is an emotional attachment to my little sports car. It took me across country packed to the roof with necessities while the rest of my belongings sat in storage. It had the radiator stolen out of it (a whole other story), it has gotten me through so many things...and it's still a very cool looking car. When I bought it is had 31,000 miles on it. It now has almost 191,000.

But, attachment or not, it's time. It's cute, it's fun, it handles great in the snow. It will probably go another 100,000 miles easily. But, it isn't worth putting the money into it to fix the air.

So cool or not, it's just too hot.

Don't Hate Her Because She's Beautiful?

On a recent news broadcast it was reported that a conservative writer named A.W.R. Hawkins wrote a piece entitled, "Liberals Hate Palin Because She’s Beautiful." According to Hawkins:

"Liberals have never liked former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. They don’t like that she didn’t go to an Ivy League school, that she doesn’t follow the usual protocol of not speaking until a liberal says it’s okay to do so, and that she chose to carry her Down Syndrome baby to term instead of aborting it. (That last one really drives them crazy.)

They dislike her political support for smaller government, tax cuts, and a strong military. They are outraged by her ongoing push for drilling in ANWR, her participation in hunting sports, and the fact that she’s a card-carrying, Life Member of the NRA.

But all these reasons are trumped by the fact that they despise her beauty. It pushes them over the edge to know that she doesn’t just shoot an assault rifle, but makes an assault rifle look good when shooting it."

From a woman's perspective, let me set the record straight on just a couple of things: I could care less where a person goes to school, as long as they are well-educated and intelligent. On carrying her baby to term, that was an admirable choice as his mother. It is yet another generalization that all liberals are pro-abortion. On the NRA matter: I'm an animal lover, I don't care for guns, and I'm a vegetarian. But, I'm not one of those people who say everyone has to eat like I do. If you hunt and eat your meat (and it isn't just for sport), I don't have a problem with that either. But, to say she "makes an assault rifle look good when shooting it?" Really? Does anyone look good shooting an assault rifle?

The real issues are different:

#1: She isn't all that beautiful. She's sort of pretty - if you can get past the deer-in-the-headlights look. But even if she was gorgeous, liberals are continuously criticized for being intellectuals and independent thinkers (which is really a compliment, by the way). To say they hate someone because she is so pretty, is not really sticking with the whole intellectual thing. It also discounts (once again) all the heterosexual women who don't look at her that way anyway.

#2: She does annoy me, but I don't hate her. My concern with her is she isn't all that bright and only talks about things that she has memorized. Simply said, she is just plain unqualified. There are many people who have stepped out to run for president who are unqualified - male and female, Republican and Democrat. If someone is going by looks alone, they aren't looking deep enough. This isn't a PTA position or a part in a summer play - it is running the country.

#3: As I've said before, the woman has set educated, intelligent, feminist women back years. When she came out in her tight little skirts and spike heels, with her hair perfectly teased that was - again - fine for other forums. Not for vice presidential debates. Not for serious political issues in a time when we have some major ones.

#4: I've always thought Antonio Banderas is, well, pretty fine. If he came out looking all hot and touted off all kinds of memorized political points, guess what? I still wouldn't vote for him for president. Because he isn't qualified.

I have a lot of friends who are beautiful, educated, very intelligent women with good jobs, many of them moms, some of them not, and guess what - they see things the same way. Enough with the superficial junk. She isn't that pretty. She isn't that smart. And even if she looked like Giselle Bündchen, she just plain isn't qualified.

Wasn't Their Old Logo "Beyond Petroleum?"

There are many bad things about this whole BP Disaster. There's the loss of human life, the loss of wildlife, the obvious pollution of the ocean that will take years to clean up, the loss of money for businesses - not to mention that the gulf coast gets socked...again!

I used to always get my gas at BP stations. This was more for convenience than anything else. Where I live, it seems there is a BP gas station every few miles. You literally have to drive out of your way to find a different station.

Unfortunately, it isn't that a disaster like this hasn't happened before. It's just the outright greediness, complete negligence, lack of being able to see possible consequences - and have a plan in place - is ridiculous! And this is from a company that has BILLIONS in profits each year and could have clearly afforded to have a plan when something like this DID happen.

Flicker is running a contest for new logos for BP right now. People are angry and creative at the same time. There are so many good ones. My personal favorite so far:

I have a car and I have to drive it (even though it's a little car). In my line of work, I have no choice. If I could bike or walk to work, I would. But, most Americans do use oil, and the added problem of depending on foreign oil is not good either. It is more that the record profits made by this company, lack of planning for disasters, and complete disregard for wildlife and for people is sickening.

Quite frankly, this all sucks. Especially for New Orleans. And it isn't even hurricane season yet.

I think it is worth the drive to go elsewhere.

Those Who Save Us

I finished a book last night that is still with me. Very haunting, very sad....extremely well written. "Those Who Save Us," by Jenna Blum, flips back and forth between a mother in 1940's Germany during World War II, and 1993-1997 Minnesota from her grown daughter's perspective in Minneapolis.

Many parts of the story are very difficult to read - the atrocities inflicted on the Jewish people of the time, the enormous cruelty of the Nazi's, and the horrible struggles of the German people that carry forth into the modern day with both mother and daughter. The vivid images, the sadness and horror of what people lived through...is something that we should never forget. My Uncle Bill, who was one of the soldiers who marched into Dachau, was much like the character, Anna. All these years later, he will not speak of it.

On another interesting note, the detailed descriptions of Minnesota and the cold winters here are obviously written by a woman who has lived here.

A very well-researched, worthwhile read, Blum says it best at the end. In her acknowledgements at the back of the book, Blum states: "And to the survivors themselves, who demonstrated unparalleled courage and generosity in sharing their stories, I cannot express adequate gratitude in words: perhaps it will suffice to say that you are living miracles and nothing you have said will ever be forgotten."

"The Secret Life of Bees"....and Friendship

I finished the book "The Secret Life of Bees" a few days ago. I had purchased it off of a table at one of my favorite used bookstores, but hadn't gotten around to reading it. What a great story on perseverance, friendship, and the support you get from women. Although it is a sad story, it is also a very uplifting one - and a great read!

I save quotes and always mark up books with things I think are written particularly well or just something to remember. It is amazing to me how many times I will be reading something that really touches on a situation I just went through. This is especially true when it is a well written story.

Sue Monk Kidd, the author of the book, does an interview after the story is completed. She quotes Isak Dinesen in saying: "All sorrows can be borne if we put them in a story or tell a story about them." As a writer, I wholeheartedly agree.

She goes on to say: "When women bond together in a community in such a way that 'sisterhood' is created, it gives them an accepting and intimate forum to tell their stories and have them heard and validated by others. The community not only helps to heal their circumstance, but encourages them to grow into their larger destiny. This is what happened to Lily. She found a sanctuary of women where she could tell her story, and have it heard and validated - an act that allowed her not only to bear her sorrow but transform it."

I always remember the quote "Writers live things twice." Some of the most painful things I've been through in my life are the strongest pieces I've written. And I always learn something from it. It is always my hope that my deepest writing will touch others in a way that will help them when they are facing a difficult time.

I am fortunate to have many wonderful, supportive friends - both male and female. But, there is a special bond with the close female friends. There is something special about that bond, that support, that sisterhood. They believe in me as I believe in them. I am thankful everyday for that.

Rest in Peace, Pat

There are many difficult parts to social services. There are difficult situations, and sometimes difficult clients - but it is usually the situations, physical pain, mental illness, or a lifetime of hurts that make them difficult. I've always been able to see past all of it. It just takes a little compassion.

The most difficult is when we lose a client. And we aren't supposed to have favorites, but there are always those who just plain are. Pat was one of those. An 86 year-old woman with the exuberance and sharp sense of humor of someone half her age, she was one I always looked forward to seeing. After a long busy week, full of one crisis after another, and constant phone calls, she was a great way to end the week on a Friday afternoon.

At almost 2:30 AM, I am unable to sleep. Pat's oldest son called me today to tell me his mother had passed away on May 12th. He thought I already knew. I knew she was ill, and back in the hospital. I'm sure each kid thought the other had called. In their grief, who can really blame them? She had a wonderful family full of dedicated kids that adored her. In fact her house was often full of one or more of the kids or a neighbor who had stopped by to say hi and play a game of cribbage. When we were done working, she would often ask me to stay a bit longer on my own time and play a game.

Then there were her kids. Her daughter, Mary, who lived with her and tended the backyard garden and cooked for everyone. Her daughter, Katie, who lived a few miles away and stopped by often. The sons who didn't live nearby but who called frequently, and her son, Tom, who she took care of until very recently - resisting putting him in assisted living until she had to. Then there was Buck, a Labradoodle with bushy eyebrows and legs as long as a horse, who would lean his 100 pound body against you and jump through hula hoops on command. Sitting in a nearby chair on the porch, he sat tall and looked around like he was a person. He only barked until he realized a friend had come to visit.

I am awake and sad, quiet and reflective. Pat had one of the greatest senses of humor I've ever been around. She didn't care what people thought, flirted with her doctors, and loved everybody. She surpassed being just a client several years ago. Her "I Love ya" always followed you out the door, and you could never leave without a hug. She was proud of being Irish, happy with her life, and loyal to her Catholic faith.

I will miss the Friday afternoons there. Miss helping her with whatever she needed help with on that day. I am sorry she was so ill at the end, sorry her smoking took over her lungs, sorry she had to resort to an oxygen tank. I will miss Mary and Tom and Katie. And I will miss Buck - one of the funniest dogs I've yet to come across - who once ate an entire tray of chicken drumsticks just off the grill, bones and all.

But, I will miss Pat terribly. She was such a joy, such a sweetheart, and so much fun. I am fortunate to have known her. I hope she is no longer suffering and at peace. She has touched my life in a way that few have. While I have lost clients before, she was an extra special one that it was an honor to know. I will hold you in my heart, Pat, and never forget you - and in your own words: "I love ya."