Grief

How does one come back from such a deep grief? I still can't believe my mother is gone. I can't call her, can't hear her voice, can't reach out to her...

I also can't concentrate or seem to care about doing anything other than working and coming home. Last night I spent the evening crying and was awake all night. The usual suspects go round and round...denial, grief, anger...and just seem to keep circling around me and getting worse. I know it has only been a month. But, I miss her voice, her laugh. She was the one who always believed in me, was always happy to hear from me, and always stuck up for me.

My mother struggled off and on for a very long time. She was a fighter and I have such enormous respect for her....and my Dad. What a fantastic team they were! He always helped her, always stood by her. The loss he feels after being married to her for over 61 years must be too enormous to comprehend. I feel like my grief doesn't compare to his.

But, I'm still grieving. She was my mom. And she was a great mom.

I had a message on my voice mail she had left a few days before she died. I kept it and kept listening to it because I just liked hearing her voice. I would listen to it among all the other messages I get every day. Somehow, it got erased. Maybe because I knew I was flying down to see her in a couple of days - or maybe because I get so many phone calls and voice mails with my job everyday. I wish I could get it back and keep it forever. I want to be able to hear her voice.

I had a terrible pit in my stomach for two weeks prior to her death. I knew something was wrong but could not put my finger on it. She died the night before I flew down for a planned family get together. That pit in my stomach knew something was going on. It has been replaced with a very empty feeling that won't go away.

I miss her. I always will. Life will never be the same.

I Have You in My Heart

This came from a friend, who found it for her sister. I post it for my mom:

I wish Heaven had a phone,
so I could hear your voice again.

I thought of you today,
But that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.

I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name,
All I have are memories,
And a picture in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake,
From which I'll never part,
God has you in his arms,
I have you in my heart. ♥

- Unknown

Goodbye to the Best Lady Ever

I have been absent from the blog for awhile. On October 4, 2010, my mother passed away unexpectedly.

Last week was rather surreal. Instead of the planned family get together to celebrate my brother and sister's birthday, my mother took a turn for the worse, and was gone that evening. I arrived the next day, which made it even harder. It is difficult when things happen quickly and you are a long plane ride away. I hope that she knew I was with her in my heart, and that is where I will carry her from now on. She was a beautiful lady, inside and out.

I was fortunate to write my mother's obituary. I hope it really says who she was in the few sentences allowed. I don't know how I wrote it, but I am glad I did. I wanted to honor her. So, thank you, Mom. For being the best. I'm sorry for all the pain you had the last couple of years, I'm sorry for the mistakes I made. I hope you know how much you were loved and appreciated. I thank you, and honor you, and will always miss you.

Margaret, 82, died Monday, October 4, 2010.

One of the most positive and upbeat people that you would ever meet, Margaret was a light to everyone she met. She spent her life dedicated to her husband, her children, and her grandchildren. She spent many hours volunteering and loved being around people - who in turn loved being around her. She was almost always smiling and her laugh was contagious. Even in the midst of a particularly painful period, she still looked at the best in everything. She always saw the cup as half-full, not half-empty, and never missed an opportunity to tell someone how much she loved them. One of the things she said often was: “I sure have great kids, and no one could ask for anyone better than Dad.”

She was born and raised in Michigan, where she met and married her husband. They met in high school, and then were married for sixty-one years. She did many things throughout her lifetime, working in banking and in credit, but most of her time was spent as a homemaker, mother, and in her volunteer work. Her devotion to her family was unwavering.

She is survived by her husband, her children, her grandchildren, many nieces and nephews, and countless friends. She will be remembered for her smile, her laugh, and her abundance for life. She will be missed forever.

National Vegetarian Month

October is National Vegetarian Month. Check out the facts and healthy suggestions on a few of these websites:

World Vegetarian Day

NAVS.org

The Kind Life

Since going back to being a vegetarian again, I feel better and much more healthy. I've also dropped the extra weight I had put on. I feel better helping the environment and supporting my love for animals as well.

I think people should eat the way they want to, but even making a few choices to eat meat a little less often and try some new vegetarian options can make a difference...and add a bit of variety to your diet!

Linden Hills Co-op

Congrats to Linden Hills Co-op! They opened their doors today to the new store! How great that a store with such nice people and quality, wholesome products is even bigger with more selection.

I was fortunate to be able to interview Allie Mentzer and write the article for The Mix about the new store (thanks, always, to Pat at The Mix). The new store is not only bigger, but better too:

There will be new features and product improvements in the new location that members have wanted for a while. “We look forward to holding more classes now that we’ll have a dedicated classroom complete with a teaching kitchen,” said Mentzer. There will also be a larger bakery and deli, a meat and seafood counter, and even new flavors of their popular homemade soups. “Our produce and bulk departments will also be larger and easier to navigate,” said Mentzer.

Another advantage of more space is the inclusion of the Linden Hills Natural Home Store, which opened across the street from the current co-op in 2005. Said Mentzer, “Natural Home has always functioned as a department of the co-op—now we’ll all be under one roof.”

With an always helpful and friendly—and downright fun—staff, perhaps the walk will have nearby customers heading in a slightly different direction but only by a few blocks. Of course, it’s well worth it just for the fresh strawberries and kale alone! The co-op’s new location is right next door to Sunnyside Gardens, where customers can buy fresh herb and vegetable plants for their gardens. But most of all, Linden Hills Co-op is thrilled to be able to grow its facility and its ability to meet the needs of its local community.

I wish the co-op much success in the future...and thanks for being such an important part of the community!

Mike Huckabee's Lack of Compassion

Yesterday Mike Huckabee, a former minister, talk show host, former governor, and supposed Christian came out with a pretty cruel statement. Stated yesterday on the health care plan's preexisting condition clause on Talking Points Memo:

When Republicans attack health care reform, Democrats like to counter by accusing Republicans of wanting to repeal a law that requires insurance companies to cover people with pre-existing conditions. According to Republican Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, that's exactly right. People with pre-existing conditions, he explains are like houses that have already burned down.

"It sounds so good, and it's such a warm message to say we're not gonna deny anyone from a preexisting condition," Huckabee explained at the Value Voters Summit today. "Look, I think that sounds terrific, but I want to ask you something from a common sense perspective. Suppose we applied that principle [to] our property insurance. And you can call your insurance agent and say, "I'd like to buy some insurance for my house." He'd say, "Tell me about your house." "Well sir, it burned down yesterday, but I'd like to insure it today." And he'll say "I'm sorry, but we can't insure it after it's already burned." Well, no preexisting conditions."

A moment of candor from the evangelical former Arkansas governor. Hard to say how that comports with voting on values, though.

It's worth pointing out, too, that the health care law's individual mandate is in large part meant to make sure people don't wait until they get ill until they buy insurance. But Republicans want to do away with that part of reform as well.

Once again, it is shameful that another Christian shows such a lack of caring, understanding, or compassion toward people. Many people have preexisting conditions. Children are often even born with them. So they should be denied care? How thoughtful and caring, Mike. I wonder how you will feel if you ever have something that fits into this category.

JK Rowling Gives to MS

I am a huge fan of the Harry Potter Books. I ended up buying the first book (The English version) at a used bookstore about the time the last book was coming out. I find the series to be cleverly written, with impeccable research, rich characters, and a wonderful imagination. I thank JK Rowling for giving us very entertaining books that all tied together so well.

Today I read something that wanted me to thank her further though: She gave ten million dollars for the Edinburgh MS Center. According to BBC News:

The Anne Rowling Regenerative Neurology Clinic will aim to put patients at the heart of the research process.

Work at the new clinic will also focus on other degenerative neurological conditions, including Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, Huntington's disease and Motor Neurone Disease.

Ms Rowling said: "I cannot think of anything more important, or of more lasting value, than to help the university attract world-class minds in the field of neuroregeneration, to build on its long and illustrious history of medical research and, ultimately, to seek a cure for a very Scottish disease."

She added: "I have just turned 45, the age at which my mother, Anne, died of complications related to her MS. I know that she would rather have had her name on this clinic than on any statue, flower garden or commemorative plaque, so this donation is on her behalf, too; and in gratitude for everything she gave me in her far-too-short life."

The Anne Rowling Regenerative Neurology Clinic will enable us to carry out studies that can inform laboratory research and, in turn, this knowledge can be translated back into treatments for patients.

So, thank you for not only being a fun writer, but for sharing your wealth for a worthy cause. This will really help people with Multiple Sclerosis - and so many others with other neurological conditions.